It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Come visit beautiful Turkey, the world's largets producer of figs, apricots, and hard shell nuts.* The inspiration for the Turkish bath, the home of Istanbul (not Constantinople), the land where Mein Kampf is one of the 10 best-sellers in the country.

But not to worry. Turkey's got it all under control. After all, what better way is there to deal with a rising tide of hatred and racism than through denial?

"'We have never had such an attitude in our culture, nor in our history, and we do not have it now ... It's not possible for people to choose their races ... Turkish society's idea about this issue is clear. There is no racism in this country,'" said a government spokesperson for Turkey.**

To Turkey's credit, it's true that they've treated the Jews and Israel significantly better than much of the world. But what good they've done really isn't the stuff that jokes are made of. So we'll just ignore it.

Instead, we'll take comfort in what political analysts have told Reuters.

"Political analysts say "Mein Kampf" probably reflects rising nationalism and anti-American sentiment rather than anti-Semitism or specific support for Hitler and his ideas," reads the Reuters article.

So don't worry. It's not Jews they hate. Just Americans.

And it's not like Mein Kampf was their best seller or anything. It was only in the top 10.

No, the #1 best seller was a book about the US invading Turkey and the heroic actions of one man who, in response, sets off a nuclear device in Washington.

I sure feel better now. Don't you?


*Information from Tourismturkey.org.
**quote from Yahoo! article

It ain't me, babe.

Or maybe it is.

Bob Dylan's authorized biopic will show us that not only are the times a-changing, but so is his gender.

Best known as the voice of the 60s or as the most terrifyingly craggy rock star this side of Keith Richards, Dylan's biopic will follow the singer through his 40-year career. Unlike most biopics, this film will reveal a portion of Dylan's life that was, until now, shrouded in mystery.

Specifically, the period when he underwent a sex change operation and emerged looking like the woman who brought "bootylicious" into the vernacular.

Granted, the notion that Dylan had some degree of "inner blackness" (whatever that means, exactly) isn't totally unfounded. His music was absolutely influenced by the black artists who came before him, as much of rock music has been.

But I don't think they've expanded on it enough. Sure, they're showing his "inner blackness." But think about all the other aspects of Dylan that they're potentially leaving out:

What about his "inner Jewishness?" Born Robert Zimmerman, Dylan has been wandering in and out of the tribe of Israel through his career. So why not show that side of him too, by casting Woody Allen as Dylan's inner Jew?

Or his "inner Asianness?" Dylan was well known for his love of Kung Pao chicken, even going so far as to cancel a concert because his repeated demands for an endless supply of Kung Pao chicken were not met. To represent this side of him most accurately, may I suggest Jackie Chan?

It could be interesting. It could be entertaining.

But it also could be featuring Beyonce, and the idea that Beyonce may be the best choice for the role is just unfathomable.

Was it her star turn as Foxy Brown that convinced the director that she was right for the part? Or did it take more - say, her role as Lilly in The Fighting Temptations?

And that thought alone makes my head hurt - a sure sign that it's "Idiot of the Day" material.

It's almost too easy.

Wendy's considers changing their chili recipe due to negative responses.

Thinking up that first line was shockingly difficult. Not because it was so unfathomable - after all, it's fast food chili - but because the jokes are just too easy. Which pun do you go with? Wendy's chili is finger-licking good? Something tastes funny, but I just can't put my finger on it?

Either way, you might want to avoid the chili from now on. At a San Jose Wendy's, one man learned the hard way that Wendy's "special recipe" is a bit too special.

Ben Gale from the Santa Clarita County department of environmental health told reporters that "Officials are trying to determine if the finger came in the raw materials Wendy's used to prepare the chili."

So, exactly which scenario is worse? That it arrived at the Wendy's and no one noticed it, or that someone lost it at the restaurant but no one thought to look for it?

What would've happened back in the kitchen? "Hey, Joe, didn't you have 10 fingers?" "Yeah, but it'll turn up."

But then again, maybe we're covering this all wrong. Maybe this wasn't fast food gone wrong, but Wendy's answer to the Happy Meal. Sure, at McDonald's you might get a little car or some other useless toy. But at Wendy's, you get spare parts.

*Quote from Yahoo! article, not an exact quote from Ben Gale.

Not only do celebrities die in sets of three ...

they break up in sets of three, too.

It all began with the first quake to the foundation of the celebrity marriage: the separation of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Millions mourned the loss of potential that their union offered: with their genes combined, they could have created the most beautiful human ever.

And now, just as the rest of the world world was recovering from the shock of their separation, these three young couples announced that they were breaking up, shattering our world in the process.

Or the news was met with a generally ambivalence. Did anyone even know Shannon Elizabeth was married? And, more importantly, did anyone care?

Evidently, the papers expect us to care. US Weekly shouts about the custody battles that will ensue over children and pets. People offers us the true story of the downfall of the Holmes-Klein romance. And even World Weekly News is offering up the true story of the Holmes-Klein romance: aliens impregnated Chris Klein with Michael Jackson's child.

So who, in this mess, is the Idiot of the Day? The jury's still out. It could be the celebrities who are turning divorce proceedings into a Lifetime movie deal. Or it could be the papers for running the play-by-plays of their failing relationships. Or, of course, it could also be us, for bothering to acknowledge them in the first place.

But let's just stick with blaming everyone else, shall we?

Drinking isn't a problem, it's a solution

When asked what he'd want with him if he was stranded on a desert island, Mayor Oscar Goodman of Las Vegas gave the first honest answer to that question ever.

He'd want a bottle of gin.

Unfortunately, the question was asked by a 4th grader.

"'I answered the question honestly and truthfully,' Goodman told reporters. 'I’m not going to lie to children. I’m not going to say I would take a teddy bear or a Bible or something like that.'"

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why politicians have to lie so much.

As it turns out, they're just as dumb as the rest of us.

When you really think about it though, what good is a teddy bear or a Bible? You can't get drunk off of them, I can tell you that much.

And, in all fairness, if you were stranded on a desert island, you'd probably want to be hammered, too.




quote from the linked MSNBC.com article

They're tiny, they're toony, they're going to hunt you down

Warner Brothers' animation division has announced that they will be releasing a new cartoon show based on the classic Loony Toons.

Only this time, Elmer won't be hunting wabbits. Instead, it appears that Bugs plans on killing Elmer in his sleep.



Behold the evil, souless eyes of the gang now known as the "Loonatics." Set 700 years in the future, the toons (Buzz, Duck, Spaz, Roadstop, Slick, and Lexi) no longer cross-dress and fight over what hunting season it is.

No, instead they have superpowers.

And, judging from the fact that Buzz bears a striking resemblance to the rabbit from Donnie Darko, they also plan on killing you in your sleep.

According to Sander Schwartz, the president of Warner Brothers animation, kids will find the character of Buzz "very relatable and very relevant."

I couldn't agree more - I remember, back when I was a kid, how I'd watch TV and think, "This talking rabbit is pretty cool, but I don't feel that I relate to him. If only he had superpowers and no pupils."

So thank you, Sander Schwartz and the people at Warner Brothers, for finally putting someone on TV that I can relate to.

... Ok, now that you've been given the credit you deserve, can the Loonatics go away now? Their fangs and claws are starting to scare me.

Images, quotes and article all from msnbc.com